Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
