I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
