I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
