I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
time to smoke my breakfast
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize