Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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