Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
