I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Alive.
So much puke
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
