everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
