barbara walters just said penis...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
