I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
