the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
