Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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