dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
