she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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