I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
