He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
