if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
