she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
