he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
