Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
