I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
