Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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