I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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