I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
