How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
