3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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