after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize