we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
