you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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