everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
