in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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