Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
