i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
