$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I wear drunk well.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
