Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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