All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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