I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
