Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
