She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
