Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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