Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
