Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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