is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
