Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
