we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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