he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
