Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
