update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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