Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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