this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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