mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
