Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on