Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon