I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.