i jhust puked up my retainher.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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