put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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