people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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