I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
