You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize