$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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