in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Shame - the story of my life.
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