there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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