I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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