Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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