I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
