Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
