Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
