He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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