they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
