Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
