So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
