Don't make out with my wife yet
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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