ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
