Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
