no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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